"The Body is the Chrysalis of a Soul"
wrote Sri Aurobindo,
the founder of the Integral Yoga theory.
Well, I feel I've been trapped in this chrysalis for too long. And saying this at the age of 28 is a little early. Like a worm, I have been struggling to make my way through the world, and often crawling through dirt. And my big consolation that was always there, was food.
But I always knew that I am born to fly, to dance freely in the sky and enjoy the beauty and scent of the flowers, to feel the air lifting me up towards the sun.
And I have started to end my life as a worm, curl up in a ball, die a little inside while letting go of all the things that were my past, and begin the hard and painful and beautiful process of becoming a butterfly.
SO THIS IS ME.
An austrian girl aged 28.
Body height 1.63m (5"4) and body weight pretty exactly 109,5kg (241 lb) this morning.
Meaning a BMI of about 41, which is waaaaay too high.
I haven't taken measures of waist and all that, but I might in the future. But just say, my boobs are rather precious - or so claim the boys, they tend to like DD cups - but the rest is awful. I'm flabby, I'm fat, I've got a double chin and even my feet have gotten fleshy (I'm using an austrian shoe size 40 now and large shaft boots, when I was in London back at the age of 18 I perfectly entered into a 6-size shoe, which is between 38 and 39 in Austria). Of course, wearing heels for a prolonged time of the day is impossible, even when I'm not at work - I have a job where I am practically moving around and on my feet for eight hours straight.
I even got "back rolls"!!!! Anyone knows these? I noticed when shopping for clothes some two months back. I was in my bra and looking at the mirror, that was in front of me at some angle. And I noticed rolls forming underneath my bra line on my back. OMG I never saw that before on anyone. I couldn't get dressed and out of the shop soon enough.
So the only things I honestly like about my body as it is right now are: my eyes, my smile (I even got a rather cute dimple from time to time), and my boobs. And of course I am grateful for all my body functions, hell yeah, that for sure, because I am still halfway healthy, and gotta be grateful for that. But I don't like how my body looks. What ya gonna do.
Well, so here's my plan:
Obviously, a healthy and balanced diet. I used to be vegetarian and some months ago I have turned to vegan, but this has nothing to do with my weight in a direct way. Calories stay calories, and if you doubt you can eat great food, binge or even get fat on plant-based foods, just look under any vegan recipe community on the net. Even looking at the images they put gets my appetite rocketing to the sky.
Obviously, exercise. I do not like exercise. Work is tough and when getting home I just want to relax. But this has to stop. While with warm weather I enjoy going for long, long vigorous walks, and the occasional swimming - well, bathing, rather - in winter I am the definition of a Couch potato. Only I don't use the couch, I use my big white comfy computer chair and my bed. I bought the Wii Fit Plus Packet and a Balance Board in november to "have no more excuses", but until now, to my shame, I must say I have used it rarely (maybe 6 or 7 times?). But I like the "free Jogging" option which allows you to watch other programmes while you do it and keep moving... spent various hours of TV or online video watching with this... The yoga exercises are great too! I started yoga classes some years back but quit soon after seeing I was the weakest in the class and ralentizing the other people's progress there as they wanted to do more advanced stuff...
And, I'll be working with a psychologist in some sort of cognitive and conductual therapy to get over my tendency to use food as a sort of escape valve or comfort...
So I got cracking, and I hope this shell - chrysalis - will crack open and let me get out without me cracking up and going completely daft! :D
I'll keep you updated! Have fun on your journey!
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