Forgive Forget

Hello! :(

 

 

It seems almost ironic, but yesterday, two hours after my full-of-hope-and-fight-for-the-good post, I had another binge attack. :'(

There was this pack of chips, and I thought "just a handful to savour"... of course it didn't stay with the handful.

Ripping the pack of chips open gave me a shot of adrenaline alike the one a drug addict feels when the needle pierces their vein. There is no way to stop.

 

The worst thing? I DON'T EVEN ENJOY IT.

I might enjoy the first handful, maybe even the second. But then, it is just binging - the pack of chips, the ice-cream, and the chocolate to top things off. It is not indulgence of the pleasurable kind - it is, in fact, punishing myself. "You started it, now to end it." Like the mother who catches you snatching a praline and forces you to eat the whole box. Remember?

 

So yeah, I felt pretty awful afterwards.

 

 

Today, I had only fruit til the afternoon - an apple, a tangerine, and a sugarfree energy drink for breakfast, another tangerine for snack. Veggie wok and a little bread for midday, along with another sugarfree energy drink. And mashed potatoes and beans for supper. No exercise :(

 

Tomorrow to get moving, and lose that weight (109,2 kg - 240.11 lb). Want to be under 240 lb again!!!

 

 

 

When I see what some people can do who are much more handicapped than me!

 (Nelly Furtado - "Spirit Indestructible")
starring Spencer West climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro
with only his hands.

 

 

 

When I see this, I know that with endurance and strong will I CAN DO IT.

I can lose this weight. I can become who I wish to be.

 

 (The Script - "Hall of Fame")

 

And you can, too.

 

 

Fighting temptations

Hello all!

 

 

 

 

I just finished my dinner :)

 

 

My weight is up again, at 108,8kg (239.13 lb) and I am pretty frustrated because of that... although I know I ate far too much bread lately, and didn't do much exercise, it still nags me that I went up again. Hoping to lose those extra pounds soon, and start the diminishing process ;)

 

 

Today I didn't do exercise (no time).

I had two and a half slices of wholegrain bread with different vegan spreads for breakfast.

I took another three slices with me for lunch at work.

I also had a tangerine and an energy drink as snack.

During the afternoon I ate nothing at all, just had a coffee (without milk, but with a little sugar).

 

 

In the evening, I had to go shopping for groceries.

It was "dangerous", as I hadn't eaten properly before and thus, was prone to buying stuff I don't really need. But I  think I did quite well, except maybe a small box containing guacamole dip. I love Avocado, and when I saw it I had to have it! - bad

 

I battled with myself all the way home whether to open it right away and try it.

As - once open - you have to consume it in one single day so it doesn't go bad, it would mean adding about 300 calories to my count, plus the bread sticks, carrots, or whatever I use to dip.

 

 

It was such a hard fight with myself!

I had planned for veggie wok and some fruit (I had over-ripe bananas)...

But there was the guacamole, calling with all its richness...

 

 

BUT   I    WON    ! ! ! ! ! ! !

 

In the end, my dinner was:

Veggie Wok :)

and a big, very big banana-and-strawberries shake made with hazelnut drink :)

 

 

 

 

And I'm feeling wonderful.

 

 

 

These days will come.

 

Temptations will come.

 

Sometimes you will fall.

 

More times you will conquer.

 

Little by little, you will learn how to fight.

 

And what to fight for.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Undress

Hello all!

My weight is at 108,7kg (239,10 lb) - it went up again.

I know the cause - too much carbohydrates, too much bread with vegan spreads, most of all...

Today I went for a walk of aproximately an hour. I had about a litre of "banana milkshake" made from three very ripe bananas, cacao, and rice&soya drink. For lunch, I made myself some tortellini pasta with vegan "cheese" and much roasted onion. Later I had a half mango (mmmmmmm!) and for dinner, two slices of whole grain bread with vegan spread. After some pause playing The Sims Castaway on my Wii ;) I did various exercises with the Wii Fit and Balance Board, for about 23 minutes. Also planning for some minutes of Zumba after finishing this entry.

For loving yourself, you also have to love your body.

Because this body is given to you for this lifetime.

 

But how can you love your body when you hate the way it looks?

 

Are you hating your body for being overweight?

Then think: Your body didn't do this to you - YOU did this to your body!

 

 

It is time to apologize.

 

 

 

 

Undress.

 

 

 

 

 

Wholly naked, stand in front of a full-length mirror.

And look at yourself.

 

 

Just like me, you might see the scars of the war you have been waging against your body for years.

You might see stretch marks, saggy bags of flesh (produced by more than ten years of yo-yo dieting), a double chin, ... and so on, and so on.

 

 

Let's make a truce.

 

 

 

Get some reaffirming body lotion ("Body Tonic")

or damascena rose oil (good against stretch marks, and smells good, too).

 

And then, inch by inch, rub it into your body. Slowly. Accept your body AS IT IS.

Accept, affirm, apologize, forgive.

When you are done, wrap yourself in a towel, and have a cup of tea.

When the lotion or oil is dry, dress in something soft and comfy.

Do something that brings you relaxation and peace. Listen to relaxing music, meditate.

 

 

And tomorrow, you will go for a walk. And do a few minutes of yoga.

AND LOVE YOUR BODY.

 

 

Have a wonderful and peaceful night. 

 

Food and other treats - why you need it when you need it

Hello all!

I'm sorry I'm not posting every day, as I probably should...

My weight is at 107,8kg (137.10 lb) this morning... yes, it went up again :'(

 

 

During the last days, with stress and problems all around me, I felt a bit overwhelmed, and longed for comfort food - carbs, sweets, something to chew, and filling my stomach.

So I overate with mac&vegan"cheese", soy pudding, such things.

 

 

Luckily, friends have come to my side to help me out of that mousehole.

 

(Alanis Morissette - "Thank You")

 

 

 

And showed me I'm allowed to be a little crazy sometimes...

(Alanis Morissette - "Crazy")

 

 

But now back on track. I had cornflakes with rice milk (and added calcium), and a banana for breakfast. I did 20 min. of generic exercise on my Wii, and then some Zumba (about 20 minutes or 5 songs). Zumba is great!!!

Planned for rest of meals today is a Veggie Strudel (puff pastry filled with veggies), and a salad, and maybe an apple.

(Celine Dion - "A new day has come")

Many of us see food - especially sweets - as a sort of "reward". This starts very early: as children, we are given chocolate when we have behaved good, or on special occasions like Easter or in the Advent calendar.

 

So we have this psychological feeling that "I've been good,
I deserve candy". :D

 

 

Are there other "treats" you could reward yourself with?

(Muse - "Undisclosed Desires")

 

 

 

For me personally, I love going Shopping.

Clothes, shoes, accessoires (jewellery!!!) - I want it.

Or maybe perfume? I love perfume.

Find out what you could reward yourself with when you've accomplished something. It doesn't always have to be the sundae or the Special dinner. It could be anything that makes your heart sing.

Go out and be happy.

(David Garrett - "Ain't no sunshine"+"Summer")

Feel the Love

 

 

Hello,

 

it had been Valentine's Day!

Hope you spent it very well.

 

 

 

From my life:

On Friday I spent some time with my best friends (who married few weeks ago).

Saturday I first went shopping with an old friend - back from my teenage years - and we went shopping. :) - girls

Later on Saturday, I was with my Special Someone and it was really magical and wonderful.

 

 

I didn't do exercise, but I ate well.

(Yesterday: semolina pudding, rice milk, bean salad, baked potatoes, orange juice, a handful of munchies, and a good plate of mixed vegetables with some peanuts sprawled over)

 

 

 

 

 

A wise person once said:

"You don't necessarily need a lover.

But you need a loving presence."

 

 

 

And when you find that loving presence, hold it tight.

Allow the Love, let it flow.

 

Love will change your inside out and make you beautiful in every part of you.

 

 

 

 

Of course, you will be hurt by many people who don't understand your way :( then you can only say goodbye...

 

(Maná - "Mi reina del dolor")

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But once your heart is open,

it can receive great things..

 

(Avril Lavigne - "Falling Fast")

 

 

 

 

LOVE TRANSFORMS.

 

 

 

 

(Celine Dion - "Pour que tu m'aimes encore")

 

 

 

 

 

Today, make the decision that whenever the craving for food comes,

YOU REMEMBER YOUR LOVING PRESENCE.

 

LET LOVE HEAL EVERYTHING.

 

 

 

And some day...

(Kylie Minogue - "Flower")

 

 

Concentrate on the solution... not the problem

Hello everyone...

 

 

 

 

Been some time I've written... I'm sorry about the pause...

I just needed a little break during the Weekend to re-define myself,

and this week it seems I never quite found the time (or didn't TAKE the time)

to make a proper posting here...

- after all, I'm a perfectionist, I either do it right or I stop doing it,

this might also be sort of a little problem with me :o

 

 

 

 

My weight is at 107,5kg (236,15lb).

 

It had been lower during some point at the weekend,

but I don't care so much -

important is to lose in the long run...

and get good habits...

for a prolonged period of time...

not only the weekends...

;)

 

 

 

 

I had a bit of a hard time, or at least, very emotionally intense...

(Lost a friend, another one is having a difficult operation, my dad was very sick,

a co-worker was unhappy with me, and then I met someone special...

ALL A HUGE MESS PUT INTO ONE AND A HALF WEEKS)

 

so I just needed some time off.

 

 

 

 

Things are still not perfect.

 

But then:

They will never be.

 

You just may accept that.

 

 

 

 

Somewhere, always, someone is suffering.

Sometimes you.

Sometimes a friend.

Sometimes a stranger.

Sometimes an animal.

Sometimes nature.

 

Someone is always crying.

 

 

 

 

 

Don't close your Soul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't get despaired either.

 

 

 

 

 

You are never all alone.

 

 

 

Help yourself,

then you can help others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

:) :D :)

 

----------

But just for now,

CARE FOR YOURSELF.

All else will fall into place.

-------------------------------------

 

 

 

<3<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't ever be afraid to walk away from what is NOT good for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BE KIND.

Most of all, with yourself.

And choose to be with kind people.

 

 

And that will some day make a change.

 

 

 

 

 

You CAN change.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Words to remember

 

 

 

 

 

 

A splendid good morning to all of you!

 

 

 

I'm at 107,7kg (237,7lb) today. I did some 25 minutes of soft yoga, and had two slices of whole grain bread with margarine and strawberry jam, and two cups of chai with a bit of soy cream and sweetened with agave syrup.

 

 

Yesterday after the cornflakes with rice milk and writing here, I went for a half-an-hour walk and then had a small apple and a banana. Later, a plain green iceberg salad and a banana, and another half-an-hour walk. Then to work, where I ate my chickpea/corn/red bean salad for supper. After returning home, I had a big bowl of soy joghurt with a bit of cacao and oatmeal.

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday I asked you to remember words that could comfort you and lift you up.

 

These are very important "rescue words" when the hunger and craving comes to draw you back into bad habits.

 

 

 

Let me tell you one thing:

 

 

 

 

 

 

And best calm yourself with words you know as YOUR truth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone of us has received guidance in his or her life - by parents, grandparents, teachers, friends, lovers.

Some of us - I admit that maybe few - were so lucky to know, in this lifetime, their "spiritual lover".

 

Their words you should remember.

 

 

 

I kept love letters for a long time.

I lost them on the travel when leaving for a life in misery.

But recently I found an old forum where I posted some lines HE wrote me.

 

 

The original is in another language.

So I hope HE won't mind I post them here.

 

Although I might have lost HIM on this earthly plane,

I still feel HIM strongly in my heart.

 

 

Below an infinite sea

of your fragrance

Through the wings;

your caresses, of your hands

to mine, without leaving

in vacuum a single drop

of our love.

 

The Moon is your presence

at night that

embraces and

holds vigil over me

 

 

 

 

 

Now I know I will remember these words and hold them close to my skin.

(Before you run out to get a tattoo - remember to get YOUR words.)

 

 

But you need something that is quicker.

Something that at very first glance reminds you of the good things.

So you need a short rescue word.

 

 

 

For me, it is my vow.

My promise.

So my rescue word is

THOU.

 

 

 

Find yours.

 

 

 

 

Maybe get an amulet, a ring, a bracelet.

A reminder of "the good love".

Of the good habits.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have a wonderful day.